The Misadventures of Fat Miku
by AkoyaLukaJimmy
Summary: Exactly what the title says. It's a story about Hatsune Miku. If she were fat. A crack-fic I wrote and am uploading because I was told to that's it.


One day fat Miku was walking down the road. Oh, wait, she was actually rolling around at the speed of sound down the road because she could not walk. She rolled straight into Kaito who was busy eating a bar of ice cream and it fell to the ground. Fat Miku picked it up and turned to Kaito, asking in her sexy baritone voice, "CAN I EAT THIS?"

Kaito pissed his pants and ran away crying like a little girl.

Gulping down the ice cream with one ginormous bite, Fat Miku then decided to reign her terror on a lake that was nearby. Her fat fatness rolled toward the lake where her friend, skinny, sexy, not-fat Luka was fishing. For tuna. "Hi Fat Miku," Luka said as she pulled another tuna off her fishing pole. "I have tuna. Do you want to eat tha tuna?"

"NO I DON'T WANT TO EAT THA TUNA!" Fat Miku bellowed. "I WANT TO EAT THA TAKO!"

"No! Not tha tako!" Luka said, pulling out a lunchbox. "I just made these for myself and for my male alter ego that you don't know about." She opened the lunchbox, and inside were not takos but tacos. Well, they were octopus tacos, so I guess they were tako tacos.

"TAKO!" Fat Miku cried. "TAKO TAKO TAKO TAKO!"

And so she eated every last tako taco, including the one that had pink hair in it for some reason I do not know.

Fat Miku had bad gas after the tako tacos, so she let out a big fart and bounced twenty feet into the air. While she was in the air, she farted again, and it sent her flying. When she came down, it was like a whale at seaworld. Everything was a goddamn splash zone.

She made a café explode. Wood chips flew everywhere and killed seven people. One of them was a green haired popstar that Fat Miku hated really bad, and the other one was a gay samurai.

One person who was not killed but really seriously injured was Len.

"HI LENPAI!" screamed Fat Miku. "ARE YOU OKAY?"

"Um, aside from the fact that I'm bleeding out of multiple places and my brain hurts, just as bad as the brains of whoever is reading this crap, yeah I'm fine," Len said.

"DO YOU HAVE FOOOOOOOOOD?" Fat Miku asked curiously, like a starving monkey.

"Uh…yeah. I mean, uh, this is a café…or it was until you made it go boom all over the place."

Fat Miku looked down at where Len was sitting. He had a banana split in his lap. Some of his blood got onto the ice cream and made it all red. Or maybe it was just the strawberry topping. Fat Miku didn't know, but both tasted good to her.

So she bent down and bit into the dish on Len's lap. She ate the whole bowl and everything.

"THANK YOU FOR THE FOOD LENPAI!" Fat Miku said as she chewed noisily. The crack from the shards of glass in her teeth made Len grimace.

"Uh, you're welcome Fat Miku," he answered and then curled up into a little ball and cried for about three and a half minutes before realizing that Fat Miku already stormed off and that bad things would happen if he didn't start making some phone calls.

He went to go call his twin sister female counterpart girlfriend from an alternate universe when he realized his phone got damaged by Fat Miku destroying the café.

Speaking of the twin sister female counterpart girlfriend from an alternate universe, Rin was just walking down the street. She was supposed to meet Len at the café, because they were gonna go on a date, but then she got distracted by something shiny, and was late. Also she heard an explosion and didn't wanna go that way but then she figured she might because Len could be dead.

"OH LOOK IT IS RIN-CHAN NOW!" Howled Fat Miku.

"O-Oh! Hi Fat M-Miku," Rin stuttered. Aside from Len the only person she ever felt romantic interest for was Fat Miku. But Fat Miku liked to mess with Rin. Rin wasn't sure whether she liked girls or not, but she liked Fat Miku that much was clear. "Where…where are you going?"

"UH I DON'T KNOW!" Fat Miku replied, licking her chops like a sick puppy with rabies. "DO YOU HAVE FOOD?"

"Oh, yeah, your appetite. Um…no I don't. I'm so sorry don't hate me!" Rin cried. Rin always got depressed when she couldn't help others. Maybe after her date or funeral with Len, she would go home and slit her wrists, drink her own blood, and then kill herself. She has done this many times before.

"YOU DON'T HAVE FOOD!?" Fat Miku gasped. "NO WAIT! YOU DO HAVE FOOD!"

"Um…no I don't. I would give you some if I had it. Maybe you can come to my place and I can cook us some lunch? Just the two of us?"

Fat Miku didn't reply. Fat Miku instead let out a monstrous growl and jumped at Rin. Her head which looked like an orange was bitten off with one precise chomp.

As Fat Miku bounced off, Len was slowly running behind her because he was also a fat because all he ate was sweets and ice cream which was all Kaito's fault. As blood sprayed from Rin's neck he bent down and cradled her body in his arms. "Oh, it's just a flesh wound," he said. "She'll regenerate in about two hours and twenty two minutes and nine seconds."

"Yeaaaaaaah, I'll have anotherrrrrrr. It's not like ten in the morning is too early to drink or ennethang," A drunk brunette chick slurred. Everyone liked this brunette chick when she was drunk and slurred. It meant she would flirt with all the people. All of them. Every. Single. One.

One person in particular was the barkeep. Her name was Kapoopie Tito. She made her own brand of sake after she failed to become the number one princess in all the world.

Teto...pour me another one. I'll giiiive you somethin gooooood." The brunette said, shaking her chest suggestively in Tito's face.

"Please say my name right," she murmured, handing the brunette another drink. It was all for the breasticles. The breasticles. The breast…

"HEY YOU!" Fat Miku called, rolling toward the bar. "GIVE ME BEER!"

"Can I see ID?" Tito asked.

Fat Miku didn't have any ID so Fat Miku cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried until everyone but Tito and the brunette left. Tito couldn't leave because she owned the bar. The brunette didn't leave because she was drunk.

"Give er a beer Teto!" The brunette slurred. "Heck I'll getter a beer! Give me a beer! Beeeeeer!"

Tito was going to protest but the brunette and Fat Miku started banging their fists on the bar table like a couple of stupid dumb babies. It was all about the breasticles, Tito told herself, getting them two beers.

"YAY BEER!" Fat Miku cried happily. "I AM FAT MIKU. WHO ARE YOU!"

"Her name is Me-"

"It's classified," said the brunette as she gulped down her beer in two seconds. "Basically I dunno you, and you dunno me, but I can be whoever you want me to be," she said, stroking Fat Miku's face all sexy like.

"I LIKE THIS ONE," said Fat Miku. "YOU HAVE BREASTICLES UNLIKE RIN-CHAN NOW!"

"Well duh, I'm an adult. It's not like I'm four or whatever." The brunette drunkenly said, climbing into Fat Miku's arms. "Fat Miku, you know what? Like, I need to get outta this joint. I mean, Teto keeps staring at my chest, they play music by this white haired chick that always lasts too damn long that's part of this stupid game I bought that I will never beat because it goes on forever. I mean have you seen that opening title song sequence thingy? Marvelous seriously get your shit together and never put out another Vocaloid rhythm game unless you are gonna make decent cuts to the songs.

"IT COULD BE A GAME WHERE ALL THE SONGS ARE A MINUTE AND A HALF!" Fat Miku explained, kissing the brunette gently. "BUT YEAH LETS GET OUTTA HERE AND GET SOME FOOD!"

"I can be your main course and desert!" The brunette said suggestively.

"NO," Fat Miku said. "I ALREADY ATE HUMAN TODAY."

"Oh," said the brunette, smacking Fat Miku upside her pudgy, disgusting face. "I'm your second!? How dare you! I can get better treatment than this from Teto!" As quickly as she left the bar with Fat Miku, she was right back in there, shaking her breasticles for Tito and getting more alcohol.

Beer in hand, Fat Miku rolled down the road into the sunset. Today was a good day.


End file.
